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I Trained at a Kung Fu School…and Learned to Fart on Your Food!

Kung Fu School…and Learning How to Fart!

I began to understand that having gone to a Kung Fu School, I was not the same as other people. I don’t think I realized how much martial arts had made me unique until the day I ran a social experiment where I had a Kung Fu student deliberately fart on people’s food. Just so you know, no food was actually harmed in the conducting of this social experiment…grin.

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Learn Kung Fu...or Be a Politically Correct Idiot!

I knew I wasn’t the same as other people because I don’t follow the rules of society. I was always being in trouble, always said the wrong thing, and always being the only person having a good time. The truth is that breaking the rules and having a good time are two sides of the same coin.

And, I noticed that people around me were getting older, especially in the way they behaved. They started thinking that politicians and other fools and liars were important, and they grew frown lines on their faces. Me, I just kept studying and training and having a good time in Kung Fu and other martial arts.

One day I bought this fart machine on the internet. You click a button and it makes the wonderful sound of a ‘spider barking,’ or whatever you want to call the nether sound,  and most people are easily fooled. Then I had one of my Kung Fu students slide it in his rear pocket, and had him back up to a table at a nearby cafe.

I expected to have to save him when somebody got enraged over his behavior, but I was wrong. It was a sidewalk cafe, people eating along the walk, and he would back his fanny right over the table, and click the button. People stopped conversing, looked down at their tea and toast, and kept right on munching.

I was in shock, farts are actually airborne fecal matter, and every person we did this to just looked down and kept eating. I would have gotten loud and violent if anybody ever tried that on me. So why wasn’t anybody getting outraged?

I would have gotten angry because I learned Kung Fu, and I am trained to stand up to fools who act like that. Simply, I am not afraid of some durned idiot who lets out a puffer. And all those people whose ham and taters we were farting over had not learned martial arts.

The people of this great nation, you see, have gone to school, watched too many soap operas and sitcoms, and had the gumption socially acclimated right out of them. Political correctness has now taken the place of the desire to survive, and people just sit around and be victims…they are afraid to stand up and say: get out of here and don’t you ever pull that stuff again! So go ahead and continue the way you are going, encourage your kids to go to school and learn how to be good repubs or demos, don’t go to a Kung Fu school or take a martial art like Kenpo or Taekwondo or something, and the next time you sit down and hear a strange sound blowing out the back of somebodys shorts…just look down and keep eating.

Toss out political correctness, click to Monster Martial Arts, learn real Kung Fu from a real kung fu school…right off the net…and start undoing what has been done to you.

Old Man Knocked Out…Is It Time To Study Kung Fu?

Everybody is going to realize it is time to Study Kung Fu when they see this video. It takes place on a Chicago subway platform, some old dude is walking along begging for change, and he runs into the wrong crowd. Google ‘Elderly Man Attacked on CTA Platform (Chicago).’

Now, time for some serious thought about what just happened. You see somebody old and helpless, almost dazed, definitely doesn’t have a clue, get the sense knocked out of him. So what is it about him that drives a bunch of young criminals to violence?

He isn’t a threat, not any way you look at him. He’s not threatening people, doesn’t really look like he knows what he is doing. So there is no reason for his mugging, and let’s consider the young punk who did the deed to him.

The guy is young and arrogant, probably doesn’t work, and doesn’t look like he wants to. He’s got his crowd of homies, all as full of themselves and as criminal as him, and they are cheering him on. So here’s the question: is this what is happening to the United States?

Or, maybe the question we should frame should be, are you going to do anything about it? There aren’t any police around, and no one comes to protect the old dude. People just run get out of the way and act like doped up people at a rock concert.

And, here’s the point I want to make: nobody knows Kung Fu. Nobody knows Shaolin or Wing Chun or even Tai Chi Chuan. Nobody, even after the fact, goes after the kid and takes him down and holds him for the police.

Now, with America going the way it is going, people out of work, or, like this kid, not even wanting to work, there is obviously going to be violence on the streets. We see the protestors and the mobs, and we hear the rumors of food riots on their way, and do you know any kind of personal self defense? Have you ever had a martial arts class, learned a karate kata, done a few taekwondo kicks?

Maybe it’s time to do something like that, you know? If the future is filled with what you just saw on that Chicago subway, maybe it’s time to learn how to take somebody out with a good swift kick, a poke to the eyes, some, old fashioned Kung fu self defense moves. Well, while you think about whether you are going to survive the coming years, I’m going to find a training hall where I can study Kung Fu.

It’s really to study Kung Fu. Head to Monster Martial Arts for the most efficient Kung Fu you have ever seen.
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To Study Martial Arts You Must Select The Right Art

Everybody has thought about a study of the martial arts. They see the Jackie Chan flicks, they hear the crime horror tales, and they know that if they knew something like Karate or Kung Fu they would be in better shape if they got attacked.

The choice becomes one of, do you study Karate or Kung Fu? Or Aikido or Tai Chi Chuan or kenpo or Pa Kua or Krav Maga or…the choices can be a bit overwhelming. So check out the following video, then let’s think our way through a few arts and consider what the correct decision should be.

Karate is constructed of powerful kicks and punches. The training tends to be regimented, and you will be expected to sweat. Depending on the style of karate you choose, you may end up studying such things as jointlocks, throws, and so on.

Kung Fu is a mixed bag. There are styles which focus on close in fighting, like Wing Chun, and there are styles like Shaolin which allow for more space and arm swinging techniques. There are very combative methods, like Preying Mantis, and there are odd and acrobatic methods, like Monkey style, Drunken style, or even the Drunken Monkey Style.

Most people usually start studying at corner malls, and these locations often showcase Chinese Kenpo Karate. Kenpo tends to be a tournament oriented style with an immense range of one on one self defense techniques. The difficult thing here is to ascertain whether the instructor is more focused on the combat, or on trophies.

Another art showcased in strip malls in Taekwondo. Taekwondo specializes in kicks. This is an excellent strategy which keeps people at a distance, and gives a tremendous work out. There is usually an emphasis on heavy sparring in some taekwondo schools.

If one wishes to study more harmonious and spiritual methods, one should look into Aikido. Aikdio means ‘the way of harmony in the spirit,’ and it concentrates on circular movements which harmonize with motions of an attacker. This is an art where it becomes obvious that one must truly understand oneself before attempting to subdue another.

Another peaceful art is Tai Chi Chuan. Tai Chi is slow moving, good for old people, but possessed of some of the wickedest self defense moves you will ever see. Mind you, being slow moving, it sometimes takes a while to reach the level of effective self defense.

Speaking of functional self defense moves, one should look into the Israeli Krav Maga. Krav Maga was designed not just for defense on the street, but for use in actual combat. It is filled with realistic tricks, and one of the most useful arts one can study.

The last martial art we will consider, though there are more that one will come across, is jujitsu. Jujitsu has a history going back centuries, but most of it is now related to Ultimate Fighting Championships, Mixed Martial Arts, and venues of that sort. This is an extremely practical martial art, though one should always try to avoid wrestling types move on the street, as this presents an opportunity for an attacker’s friends to wade in, there could be sharp objects on the ground, and so on.

As I said, there are many other martial arts one can examine when selecting the fighting discipline that is right for them. In the end, there are as many arts as there are individuals advocating them. Which study of martial arts a person chooses is up to the person.